Can you smell it?
There's an energy in the room right now.
It. Is. Electric.
The internet is being a real bitch of a boss right now…giving me shit about not writing anything since last week. I needed an idea…and I needed it fast…or all the expense accounts I use for Vietnamese hookers would be frozen faster than a left-over ham steak at Paula Dean’s house.
This week’s theme: Disappointment.
Let me tell you about a recent disappointment in my otherwise kick-ass existence.
It all started with a dream…well…”dream”probably isn’t the right word, maybe “idea”??
Let’s use “dream”.
Anyway, I was trying to piggy-back off of the recent surge in popularity of vampires in the entertainment industry. Seriously, my girlfriend (she’s real… I swear) is probably more into vampires right now than Van Helsing.
Twilight, Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Nosferatu…all insanely popular in the last year or two.
Don’t think Nosferatu qualifies as a popular and sexy vampire right now?
Well…explain this picture I found in the high school parking lot yesterday:
Raw sexuality.
Once this vampire craze swept the nation, it wasn’t long before werewolves joined in.
“Team Jacob you say?” – This is a quote from me after I learned that werewolves were as popular as vampires.
Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning.
Sexy Frankenstein.
I drew up some quick story boards and booked a one-way flight to Hollywood.
I flew first class and paid for the plane ticket on credit. The debt didn’t matter at the time since I figured as soon as I pitch this idea to some movie executives, things would change.
I’d be so rich and cool that I could catch a ride back to Philly on a solid gold hovercraft driven by James Franco.
IT DID NOT GO WELL.
I have crudely re-created the trip with this series of images:
They said something about rotting flesh not being sexy. After that I stopped listening.
It was November, 2010.
Don’t you hate it when a perfect plan doesn’t work out?
Here is a list of things I also hate:
1. Rain
2. People who call sprinkles “jimmies”
3. The smell of cat pee
4. Anyone that wears sunglasses at night besides Corey Heart
I don’t mind rain as much when it is warm outside.
Honestly though, who in their right mind would see a sprinkle and call it a jimmie?
Bullshit.
I like to end on a positive note, so here is a series of pictures in which I make the same face as a baby:
That is all, you should hear from me again.
