Thursday, April 14, 2011

Give me a break, its my first day.

   Hello again.
I reserve excitement for a rare few things in life. Things that currently excite me include:
1.       Getting Mail
2.       Wild animal encounters
3.       A kiss from my best girl

Tonight…however...I am excited.  In fact, I haven’t been this excited since Vince McMahon told me that I reminded him of a young Coco Beware. He said to me, “Joe, you know you really remind me of a young Coco Beware.”

Courtesy: /

There were at least two fundamental flaws with the statement he made that night. However, I was willing to ignore them and enjoy the conversation. There were tons of drugs and expensive hookers there anyway.

It was 1987.

In reality, I am excited to announce that I got a new job. Yep, I write for the internet now. I don’t really want to call it a blog…”blog” seems like a word that’s not going to be mainstream lingo for much longer.
“Electronic Diary” seems much more current.
My brother has an electronic diary about learning to like new beers.
If you would like to read it, click here:
                                                                           ↑ This isn’t a virus, I swear.
   I figured that today would be an alright day to start writing, right?

Circle yes or no:    Y / N

If you picked “Y”, and you’d like me to continue writing, then that’s awesome. If you picked “No”, that’s cool too.

You seemed like a jerk anyway.

In all actuality, it’s a pretty crappy day overall. It’s raining, and I feel really sick. The last time I was sick, I rented an old hyperbaric chamber.
People in my apartment building were mad at me because I kept blowing all the fuses.

They just didn’t know what “cool” was.
Besides, I felt better in like two days!
It was October, 2009.
That was for you, Dan in 3F.

 Anyway, since the property management company warned me about “Plan A”, I needed a new plan.
I’m calling it “The second plan.”
“Plan B” seemed too obvious.
Now I am regulated to Dayquil and a healthy regime of physical dehydration.
You know what they say, “Get plenty of Dayquil and limit your fluids.”
It’s something like that.
All this sickness had given me plenty of time to watch day time TV. That’s right, the internet pays sick days.

And you can accrue vacation days. I love working for the internet. The only thing that sucks now is that it’s a little awkward to hang out with the internet after work.
It’s just weird to hang out with your boss.
Here is a list of my top five favorite day time TV events:
Saved by the Bell
Golden Girls
“Liberty Medical” commercials
The Price is Right

You’ve got to be an early bird to catch the first two, but they are worth it.
“What will Zack Morris get into this time?”- I would wonder.
“A heartwarming conclusion. I think Slater really learned something.”- This is what I often think following an episode.
I’m not crazy about the direction that Maury has gone on, with all the DNA testing all the time, but it is funny.  Somebody storming backstage every five minutes is something I have to be in the mood for, though. If you’ve seen it recently they have a stage set up backstage, so when the people run off-stage they immediately are on another stage.
The Liberty Medical commercials are great too. I think they are designed to scare seniors into getting diabetes testing supplies. I found this picture on a Google search.

That is pretty good.
Finally, The Price is Right. I think Drew is doing alright. Give the guy a break goddamn it! How can somebody honestly fill Bob Barker’s shoes? Glad to see Bob’s still in the Biz though.
That’s what we call it, we call it the “Biz”.
Bob is back on that State Farm commercial. Great job, Bob.
That is enough, you should hear from me again.

1 comment:

  1. Maury used to be grade A programming, with the woman or Whoa-man beauty pageants. Nothing made me question what I was really into like those episodes. Although the stage behind the stage is pure Maury genius. That's like putting a toilet underneath my current toilet. Obviously second toilet would need to be larger and be more like like a mote around a castle, but it would make peeing in the dark alot less of a risk.

    I always thought it was Koko B. Ware? Or were you telling hot chocolate to watch it's back:

    "Cocoa beware, the swiss miss chick is one vengeful bitch."