Friday, April 22, 2011

Million Dollar Idea.

Can you smell it?

There's an energy in the room right now.

It.    Is.    Electric.

The internet is being a real bitch of a boss right now…giving me shit about not writing anything since last week. I needed an idea…and I needed it fast…or all the expense accounts I use for Vietnamese hookers would be frozen faster than a left-over ham steak at Paula Dean’s house.

This week’s theme: Disappointment.

Let me tell you about a recent disappointment in my otherwise kick-ass existence.

It all started with a dream…well…”dream”probably isn’t the right word, maybe “idea”??

Let’s use “dream”.

Anyway, I was trying to piggy-back off of the recent surge in popularity of vampires in the entertainment industry. Seriously, my girlfriend (she’s real… I swear) is probably more into vampires right now than Van Helsing.

Twilight, Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Nosferatu…all insanely popular in the last year or two.

Don’t think Nosferatu qualifies as a popular and sexy vampire right now?

Well…explain this picture I found in the high school parking lot yesterday:

Raw sexuality.

Once this vampire craze swept the nation, it wasn’t long before werewolves joined in.

“Team Jacob you say?” – This is a quote from me after I learned that werewolves were as popular as vampires.

Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. 

Sexy Frankenstein.

I drew up some quick story boards and booked a one-way flight to Hollywood.

I flew first class and paid for the plane ticket on credit. The debt didn’t matter at the time since I figured as soon as I pitch this idea to some movie executives, things would change.

I’d be so rich and cool that I could catch a ride back to Philly on a solid gold hovercraft driven by James Franco.


I have crudely re-created the trip with this series of images:

They said something about rotting flesh not being sexy.  After that I stopped listening. 

It was November, 2010.

Don’t you hate it when a perfect plan doesn’t work out?

Here is a list of things I also hate:

1.       Rain
2.       People who call sprinkles “jimmies”
3.       The smell of cat pee
4.       Anyone that wears sunglasses at night besides Corey Heart

I don’t mind rain as much when it is warm outside.

Honestly though, who in their right mind would see a sprinkle and call it a jimmie?

I like to end on a positive note, so here is a series of pictures in which I make the same face as a baby:

That is all, you should hear from me again.

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