Well, well, well.
It seems we meet again. Miss me? Of course you didn’t. I’m back anyway.
What was the reason for my unusually long hiatus? I moved.
Relocated. I won’t get into too much detail, but I got a new day job and moved. The internet gave me a few weeks off from writing with pay. What a sucker. It only took me one weekend to move. Don’t tell the internet I said that. That’s between you and me now.
Anyway, as we all know, moving comes with its ups and downs. One down for me was that my internet connection at my new apartment wasn’t working right. Sure I guess I could’ve written from my phone or went to the library but my fingers cramp easily and I hate the smell of old books. The local cable company finally got their act together and my computer is all set up now. That’s my excuse. Stop bitching about it.
Now I will tell you a story about another time that I moved.
The year was 1981.
I was hosting a morning radio show in the Pocono Mountains called Wake Up with Big Bear.
I was Big Bear. Now, for anyone older than 25, I don’t have to explain anything to you about the eighties. If you are 25 or younger, I can tell you that it was pretty much like things are today, only with worse technology and way more cocaine. Also Reagan, there was Ronald Reagan back then.
Say what you want about that guy, but he knew his cigarettes and jelly beans. He also enjoyed autographing gift-wrapped cigarette cartons while smoking, which was probably very satisfying.
Personally, during the eighties I was living life in the fast lane. Morning radio show host by day, child by night. Eventually, the producers found out that I was only a kid and had to let me go. It was a tremendous loss for the morning commuters of the Pocono Mountain area. There were many suicides. I can’t confirm if they were related or not, but we all knew they were.
Since those sweet radio checks weren’t coming in anymore, I had to move back in with my mom. She was seriously pissed about the whole thing. You wouldn’t think so, because I was her son and she had several bedrooms to spare, but she was.
“Go ahead and take my auxiliary fondue/smoking room then!”
This is an angry quote from my mother the day I told her I had to move back. The resentment in her voice doesn’t quite come across when you just type the sentence. So I moved back into my childhood bedroom, which was perfect because it was during my actual childhood.
However, going from being a radio show host in a metropolis like the Poconos to being a new kid in a small town was a big adjustment. Especially since, in this particular town, dancing was outlawed. Since I was new, the other kids didn’t take too kindly to a “city slicker” like me at first. However, we all wanted to be able to listen to rock music and dance, especially with the senior prom right around the corner. One night, I taught the locals to dance. Surprisingly, everyone was great immediately. Eventually, we waged a type of dance rebellion and won over the whole town. I got the girl. Years later, I would sell the story to young Kevin Bacon. He immediately sold the story to his sister, regretted it, and bought the story back.
And the rest is in the history books.
That is all, you should hear from me again.